I have the best luck with men

An old friend decided to set me up with a random guy. One of those friend of a friend of a friend, I'm sure you'll like him sort of things. And I was bored/curious enough to acquiesce. It's not like we were meeting or anything, so any possible awkwardness would begin and end on the internets, as the Prez sez.

Dude's an NY attorney. We talk on the phone. He seems interesting. We exchange pics. He isn't repulsive. He tells me his plans for the day, which include jet skiing. I ask where. He says, why, in my backyard, of course. He then asks if he's sent me a pic of his backyard yet. I said he hadn't, berating myself for overlooking this gross negligence on his part. I mean, you judge a dude by his backyard, right? How else would you know he was the one?

So he gets on his webcam. No, I don't have webcam, because that's like meeting for real, but with much worse lighting.

Proceeds to show me his backyard. I'll say this. It was one helluva backyard. I could see the boats/jet skis pass by.

So he invites me over for a vacation in NY. After all, we've known each other for how long, a full ten minutes already? I tell him that I'd love to, but I'd first need some evidence to the effect that he wasn't a psycho killer/stalker. (Other psychos I can deal with, and have been known to in the past.)

So he asks me to google him. I google him. I find he's passed the bar exam. Yay! And I find his cousin's blog, and his cousin happens to be living in my city. His cousin's this famous-ish ex-NYT now Reuters reporter who's roughing it in the third world. In my hometown, specifically. So I'm thinking, hmm, no way he can be a psycho killer/stalker if his cousin's a famous reporter living in MY city. I mean, that's just the logical conclusion that anyone would draw, right?

And then it happens. Webcam drops. Oops. Our NY attorney's not wearing pants. You sick people, of COURSE he was wearing shorts. Naturally, I express some shock. He apologizes profusely, says it's a mistake, he'd never have done a thing like that intentionally. And then, as if to prove his point, he reveals to me that he's submissive. Yes, in the S & M sort of way. I politely excuse myself and hang up before he gets into details.

*sigh*

Edit: On a completely unrelated note, I finally got around to watching the Pinker Spelke debate. In my very humble opinion, Pinker kicked Spelke's ass. Of course, I was biased to begin with. Spelke's suggestion that the SATs should be modified so men and women score equally well on math is ludicrous.

Also, in a previous post, I said I wouldn't date a baron. Well, I would if his last name were Cohen.

Edit 2: Hanging up after talking to my mom is becoming increasingly difficult. I heard my dogs barking in the background. They have no idea I still exist, but I know they'll be their usual waggy-tailed clingy selves when I go back home.

Another update: Appliances tend not to work when they're not plugged in. I learned this the hard way.

And another update: Upon re-reading this post, I felt the need to go back and move some commas around. Yes, I'm pedantic. And I also reserve the right to switch inexplicably between past and present tense. Because I don't believe in time. Time's just a myth the media wants us to believe in. And no, I'm not pedantic/anal enough to treat media as a plural word. Here's why.