Sunday, February 18, 2007

The Girl With The Golden Toering

Your first mission, 007, is to play the Bond theme in your head. Sets the right kind of mood for this post.









Your next mission is to offer me your resignation. Because Bond Girl's taking over. Yes, you heard me. This show now belongs to me. Sorry, it wasn't personal.

Bond's trademark is no longer the gun. So cliche, so dated. We have now developed the Golden Toering. 24 karat perfection, armed with a tiny diode laser device that ionizes air as it lases. The R&D wing of MIX developed the Ionazer in the year 2006, one of our most closely guarded secrets. When the Toering is armed, it sets up conduction pathways capable of delivering fatal electric shocks of up to 10,000 volts over a 100 metre range. It can also be used to deliver smaller shocks, enough to stun an average sized human being without causing fatality. Best of all, it goes perfectly well with any style of clothing or footwear.

MIX has secretly been running a school. A Bond Girl training school.

Potential Bond Girls are taught every skill they need in order to become top notch spies. These girls eventually find highly successful careers in international espionage, and very often, will end up in rival agencies. Best friends today might plot evil, but ingeniously clever ways to outwit/outsmart/kill each other in the future. They're prepared for this, they are ruthless. They're brooding intellectuals one minute and smoking hot sex goddesses the next. They can fly planes and make explosives out of paper clips and a cigarette lighter. They speak fluent Russian and Chinese, and that's not all they do with those tongues. The best part? They don't whine when hormonal, they simply blow you to smithereens.

And only one Girl gets to be Bond Girl. That girl is now me.

Agent Raindrop reporting, over and out.

22 comments:

Urban Bourbon Ninja said...

can i be the rogue agent? You can sleep with me and then kill me.

Raindrop said...

I could kill you without sleeping with you as well. Got any last requests?

Silvara said...

Heheheh....nice to meet you Agent. It's almost like a Buffy-type role you have to play in this world...but without the cute 248 year-old vampire and lots of icky undead things. I like it....

Anonymous said...

How is the toering activated?

APOO said...

Which car does the Bond Girl drive? I watch the Bond movies only for the Aston Martins!

Or, does the toe-ring double up as a tranportation device which disintegrates the body into atoms which travel at the speed of light to the said destination and reassemble again?

dodo said...

"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them"

But WTH is it doing on your toe?

Take the next flight to Mt. Doom and DESTROY it! Sauron has learnt to use Google, so it won't be long before he tracks you down. And yeah, your Bond gadgets don't stand a chance in front of his Middle-earth magic.

P.S. By the way, is that your left foot or your right foot :)?

Renovatio said...

Come on dodo, you have feet(I think)... and perspective(I hope)... that's the right one...
For some reason, all I can think of is said non-fatal electric shock activating when a kick to the balls is of order...

eM said...

ahhhh..well/wall all becoming (only slightly) clearer.

but dude, bond woman, the new template is too much for early morning hungover eyes. please change no?

Sriram said...

Erm.. I have this to say...

MY EYES!!!!!!!!!! (too much red!)

Other than that, I can't comment on the toe-ring because that would mean talking about my own secret weapon to counter it and frankly, if I tell you, I'll have to kill you.

iz said...

Sorry to sound like a horny man but if that is your toe, honey I want to read more than your blog!

moonstruck maniac said...

i love living daylights, literally too. but this template is too red. as for the post, thats ONATOPP!!! ;)

the wannabe indian punkster said...

I love gold toe-rings.

Oh oh I love blowing people up when I'm hormonal!

Yay you, for being a bond girl!

Hee.

Anonymous said...

Dodo, do you have left-foot fetish, or a right-foot fetish?

Drunken Master said...

Is the foot pic gratuitous after the reaction to a previous post?

What about the rest of the cast like M or Q?

What is MIX? Or is it MI-X (as in MI5)?

How do you adjust the toe ring power?

Will multiple toerings linearly increase power?

Is there a standard issue stiletto in case of foot-to-foot combat? Or would you rather use a smelly shoe?

Oh and change the colour of your links, it's hurting my eyes...

Szerelem said...

So who's the Bond? Shall be muchly jealous if tis Daniel Craig...
And P.S. you're blogrolled........

jerry said...

Hullo Bond girl! Hey nice foot again, and the red is blood and the blood is hot and hot is so effing cool! :) Hey whose the Bond?

Madame Mahima said...

hardcore! i like it but its tooooo RED, u know what i mean?
yea the blue links are making my eyes go wonky..but apart from that, i wanna blow people up too!!! i wanna be a bond girl too..altho i'm more of a 'star trek' girl...
i can be both right?

TS said...

Throw in a pair of stilettos please, red ones.

Blogrolling you.

Anonymous said...

I agree with TS. That's too bare and naked. Cover it up, will ya?

Scritch said...

no no the red is hot, like all bond girls. Don't listen to these whitewash type people. you cant be an assassin with a magnolia template.

funny post though

imhunt said...

'blow' me to smithereens when you're hormonal.
Ok.

WishfulThinker said...

Ok, so if I didn't have a foot fetish earlier, I do now! ;)