Your first mission, 007, is to play the Bond theme in your head. Sets the right kind of mood for this post.
Your next mission is to offer me your resignation. Because Bond Girl's taking over. Yes, you heard me. This show now belongs to me. Sorry, it wasn't personal.
Bond's trademark is no longer the gun. So cliche, so dated. We have now developed the Golden Toering. 24 karat perfection, armed with a tiny diode laser device that ionizes air as it lases. The R&D wing of MIX developed the Ionazer in the year 2006, one of our most closely guarded secrets. When the Toering is armed, it sets up conduction pathways capable of delivering fatal electric shocks of up to 10,000 volts over a 100 metre range. It can also be used to deliver smaller shocks, enough to stun an average sized human being without causing fatality. Best of all, it goes perfectly well with any style of clothing or footwear.
MIX has secretly been running a school. A Bond Girl training school.
Potential Bond Girls are taught every skill they need in order to become top notch spies. These girls eventually find highly successful careers in international espionage, and very often, will end up in rival agencies. Best friends today might plot evil, but ingeniously clever ways to outwit/outsmart/kill each other in the future. They're prepared for this, they are ruthless. They're brooding intellectuals one minute and smoking hot sex goddesses the next. They can fly planes and make explosives out of paper clips and a cigarette lighter. They speak fluent Russian and Chinese, and that's not all they do with those tongues. The best part? They don't whine when hormonal, they simply blow you to smithereens.
And only one Girl gets to be Bond Girl. That girl is now me.
Agent Raindrop reporting, over and out.